//Scripts by Brian A. LeStourgeon  

function getRandom(size) 
{  today = new Date();  
var number = today.getSeconds() * today.getTime() * Math.sqrt(today.getMinutes());  
var randomNum = (number % size) + 1;  return Math.floor(randomNum); }  

function getQuote() 
{  i = getRandom(68);  
if (i==1) nquote="And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? --Micah 6:8";  
else if (i==2) nquote="If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?";  
else if (i==3) nquote="Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's? "; 
else if (i==4) nquote="How come you never hear about gruntled employees?";  
else if (i==5) nquote="Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?";  
else if (i==6) nquote="When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?";  
else if (i==7) nquote="To be a man will continue to demand a heroic heart as long as mankind is not quite human. --Julius Fucik";  
else if (i==8) nquote="What is the speed of dark?";  
else if (i==9) nquote="When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.";  
else if (i==10) nquote="The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. --George Bernard Shaw";  
else if (i==11) nquote="Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. --Franklin P. Jones";  
else if (i==12) nquote="All cruelty springs from weakness. --Seneca";  
else if (i==13) nquote="Watch out for rocks. --Niam LeStourgeon";
else if (i==14) nquote="If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men. --Russell P. Askue";  
else if (i==15) nquote="There are no stupid questions, just stupid people who ask questions.";  
else if (i==16) nquote="For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. --John 3:16";  
else if (i==17) nquote="Fight the Madness! --Jake Allen";  
else if (i==18) nquote="There is no such thing as a little garlic.";  
else if (i==19) nquote="I would live to study, not study to live. --Francis Bacon";  
else if (i==20) nquote="Jesus wept. --John 11:35";  
else if (i==21) nquote="The shortest distance between two points is under construction.";  
else if (i==22) nquote="The most powerful force in the world is that of a frisbee straining to land under a car, just out of reach.";  
else if (i==23) nquote="If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.";  
else if (i==24) nquote="For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.";  
else if (i==25) nquote="Never precede any demo by a comment more predictive than 'Watch this!'.";  
else if (i==26) nquote="Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.";  
else if (i==27) nquote="A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.";  
else if (i==28) nquote="Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.";  
else if (i==29) nquote="Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.";  
else if (i==30) nquote="The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.";  
else if (i==31) nquote="A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.";  
else if (i==32) nquote="In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.";  
else if (i==33) nquote="Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.";  
else if (i==34) nquote="Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable term. Velocity, for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.";  
else if (i==35) nquote="Any given program, when running, is obsolete.";  
else if (i==36) nquote="Any given program costs more and takes longer.";  
else if (i==37) nquote="It works better if you plug it in.";  
else if (i==38) nquote="Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.";  
else if (i==39) nquote="Government expands to absorb all available revenue and then some.";  
else if (i==40) nquote="The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.";  
else if (i==41) nquote="Progress is made on alternate Fridays.";  
else if (i==42) nquote="You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.";  
else if (i==43) nquote="Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.";  
else if (i==44) nquote="Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society. --Mark Twain";  
else if (i==45) nquote="Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.";  
else if (i==46) nquote="Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.";  
else if (i==47) nquote="Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.";  
else if (i==48) nquote="If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?";  
else if (i==49) nquote="There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. --Mark Twain";  
else if (i==50) nquote="In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.";  
else if (i==51) nquote="Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.";  
else if (i==52) nquote="As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. --Einstein";  
else if (i==53) nquote="If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.";  
else if (i==54) nquote="You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it darnfoolproof.";  
else if (i==55) nquote="The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.";  
else if (i==56) nquote="One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.";  
else if (i==57) nquote="If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.";  
else if (i==58) nquote="If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage.  But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and none dare criticize it.";  
else if (i==59) nquote="What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.";  
else if (i==60) nquote="There are two types of dirt:  the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.";  
else if (i==61) nquote="To be is to do. --Hegel,...To do is to be. --Marx,...Do be do be do. --Sinatra";  
else if (i==62) nquote="Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. --David Frost";  
else if (i==63) nquote="We have no government armed with power capable of contending with passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for the government of any other.  -- John Adams"
else if (i==64) nquote="You can cut down a tree with a dull axe, but you can get there a lot faster with a sharp one. --Marshall Hobbes (SBC pastor)";
else if (i==65) nquote="If the iron is blunt, and one does not sharpen the edge, he must use more strength, but wisdom helps one to succeed. (Ecc 10:10)";
else if (i==66) nquote="Passion is logic set on fire. --Dr. Patrick Pang, Rainbow Acres, Camp Verde, AZ";
else if (i==67) nquote="We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. --Gen. Douglas MacArthur";
else if (i==68) nquote="The Law of Inanimate Reproduction: If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.";
else nquote="Hey Howdy Doody!";  
return(nquote); }  

quote=getQuote();   
today=new Date();

hour = today.getHours();
{if (hour<3) gcode="You are up Late, Traveler!";  
else if (hour<6) gcode="You are up Early, Traveler!";  
else if (hour<10) gcode="Good Morning, Traveler!";  
else if (hour<12) gcode="Hello, Traveler!";  
else if (hour<17) gcode="Good Afternoon, Traveler!";  
else if (hour<19) gcode="Good Evening, Traveler!";  
else gcode="Greetings, Traveler!"; }  

usrloc='Thank you for visiting from ' + location.hostname + '.';  

window.defaultStatus="LeStourgeon of Louisville";   

function isHere(i)  
{   
if (i==1) document.one.src="img1/wball2.gif";
   else if (i==2) document.two.src="img1/wball2.gif";
   else if (i==3) document.three.src="img1/wball2.gif";
   else if (i==4) document.four.src="img1/wball2.gif";
   else if (i==5) document.five.src="img1/wball2.gif";
   else if (i==12) window.status="Previous Page";
}   

function isGone(i)  
{   
if (i==1) document.one.src="img1/wball.gif";
   else if (i==2) document.two.src="img1/wball.gif";
   else if (i==3) document.three.src="img1/wball.gif";
   else if (i==4) document.four.src="img1/wball.gif";
   else if (i==5) document.five.src="img1/wball.gif";

window.status="LeStourgeon of Louisville"; 
}
  

// Done